Attitude Check: Blessing or Burden

Posted on June 27, 2016 by George Crone

Jeremiah 17:9

“The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?

gratitude

What am I feeling?

That is the first conscious thought each morning. Mind you this is not in an effort to gauge what kind of day it is going to be, but it’s the first step in properly assessing which Armor of God I’m going to need to wield the soonest.

Addictions are simply an effort to numb emotions and being in recovery is the daily struggle to embrace them. For me, allowing emotions to have their moment is so incredibly difficult.

In the past I would wake with a feeling of anxiety or depression and do what is called “wake and bake”, to start the day with marijuana or pornography just to “get a head change”.

After 5+ years of recovery I am coming to realize that my emotions still want to steer the car of my life. Just this morning I woke with a sense of dread, Monday morning blues as it were. Another week begins, “time for the grind” passed through my thoughts.

It was in that moment I realized my desperate need for a heart check: Is my life a burden or a blessing?

As God’s word shows us, it is so important to properly self-examine our own motivations – to test our own thoughts.

1 Corinthians 11:28 But a man must examine himself, and in so doing he is to eat of the bread and drink of the cup.
 

Psalm 139:24 And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.

 

Psalm 139:23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts;

 

Job 13:23 “How many are my iniquities and sins? Make known to me my rebellion and my sin.

 

Psalm 26:2 Examine me, O LORD, and try me; Test my mind and my heart.

 

2 Corinthians 13:5 Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves! Or do you not recognize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you–unless indeed you fail the test?

 
Psalm 4:4 Tremble, and do not sin; Meditate in your heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah.
 

Psalm 77:6 I will remember my song in the night; I will meditate with my heart, And my spirit ponders:

 

Lamentations 3:40 Let us examine and probe our ways, And let us return to the LORD.

 
Psalm 119:59 I considered my ways And turned my feet to Your testimonies.
 

1 Corinthians 11:31 But if we judged ourselves rightly, we would not be judged.

 

Galatians 6:4 But each one must examine his own work, and then he will have reason for boasting in regard to himself alone, and not in regard to another.

For more than 30 years before Christ I have worn the burdens of life like a curse and felt trapped by the multitude of daily responsibilities; job, family, car maintenance, dishes, laundry, meal prep; a relentless never-ending todo list that burdens my time.

But then I realized that many in this world don’t have a car, home, family or food and what I so selfishly and from a place of entitlement not only take for granted but curse; others would literally die for.

The plight of the homeless, the refugees, the persecuted, the sick and the starving. Who am I to sleep in my air-conditioned home, wake to my coffee pot, refrigerator and shower and feel anything less than blessed beyond anything that I have earned or deserve.

It is only by the grace and mercy of God that we have anything in life; and even if that something that we have in the physical world may be a tiny portion; our faith in The One who gave his life for us and the ability to offer Him praise and worship is only hindered by the condition of our own heart – not our bodies.

Am I victimized by my circumstances or blessed and called by my Creator?

Philippians 4:12

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
Father God, I thank you for the humbling realization that my emotions will continue to lie. My old narrative continues to voice the struggle of life and see your many blessings as burdens. The Liar is a thief wanting to turn our hearts away from You Lord but gratefully the Armor of God is ours to adorn each day. Faith, Spirit, Truth, Peace, Salvation… this is the Gospel Lord, these are the weapons and promises you give to those who call on You not only as Savior but as Lord over all. Thank you for revealing my heart of discontent and allowing me to repent yet again and offer up this morning a heart of praise and worship. To you alone be the glory Father. In Jesus’ precious name we pray…
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Is Fear a Sin?

Posted on June 10, 2016 by George Crone

Mark 9:21-24 21 Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?” “From childhood,” he answered. 22 “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.” 23 “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.” 24 Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

faith

I am an encourager, counselor, purveyor of faith. I pray daily and spend time with God’s word most days. I have for nearly 5 years now. I am a lay-leader who speaks into the lives of others; especially men who have found themselves sidelined and silenced in their faith and strangled by the chains of false narratives written long ago.

My church (madeforfellowship.com) had what I call “Confession Sunday” last weekend. The sermon was powerful on the need to confess one-to-another and the pastor shared how in the early church confessions were VERY public.

After his own confession (which I’m guessing may have shocked a few) he passed microphones around the congregation of hundreds who were there in the first service and what transpired was amazing.

Men confessed publicly to addictions & impurity, women confessed to extreme isolation and yet others of gossiping and being judgemental of others. There was not a dry eye in the house as one-by-one people confessed their secret sins which have been feeding the lie that they are un-loveable.

And there I was standing with a microphone in the balchony waiting to be called on thinking “what are you doing George, you can share this in your small groups or with your pastors personally but doing this publicly can undermine your leadership and even hurt the ministry”.

But I stayed standing, and he did call on me.

With a quivering voice and a pounding heart I shared how I lead 3 separate weekly men’s groups going deep into recovery and discipleship principles and yet when I was told that the backhouse I was living in was not properly permitted and that I have only 10-days to move out I found myself angry, resentful, fearful, hopeless, rebellious… in my mind I had become faithless.

Leading up to that moment I had realized just how bitter my heart had turned and for days I had begun to question my entire walk. It’s so cliche to say faith comes easy in the good times… but I was completely surprised by my response to a “serious-yet-easily-covered-by-faith-if-I-had-any”trial.

What I truly expected was the church to say “you should take some time off George, work on that weak faith, it’s not healthy in leadership, I’m sure you understand”.  And I would have. I have felt like the biggest hypocrit claiming church leadership on my resume yet nearly overwhelmed with fear and resentment the minute the wind blows.

What I received however were brothers that know me reaching out and asking “how can I help”. A couple guys took me out to lunch that Sunday afternoon to just talk through the issues and brainstorm solutions and pray. Others are volunteering to help me on moving day (tomorrow) and another has even given me a loan to help with the financial challenges this presents.

Even one of the church elders reached out to acknowledge how difficult that must have been and congratulated me on the courage to stand and transaprently confess my fears and frustrations.

I found myself not rejected in my professed weakness but encouraged, loved and supported on a level I wouldn’t have dreamed of.

My prayer life during this season has been painful; Lord you must help my heart – without my permission it has chosen not to trust you. How can I be filled with fear and blame when I know that You have something so much better for me through this life shake-up. Help me Lord walk the walk of faith that I so easily talk about and encourage others to do.

What God has done for me in His INFINITE MERCY was remind me that I’m not the first to wrestle with this.

Matthew 8:25-26a  25 The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” 26 He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?”

These are men that walked with Jesus and witnessed His miracles first hand and yet cowered in fear even with Jesus physically in the boat with them.

And as I reflected deeper I realized that:

God knows our trials

Luke 22:31 “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat.

He intercedes for us

Luke 22:32a But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail.

He knows beforehand when our fear will cause us to turn away

Luke 22:32 And when you have turned back…

And he reminds of our purpose

Luke 22:32 …strengthen your brothers.”

And yet our pride will still step in and make fools of us

Luke 22:33 33 But he replied, “Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death.”

Can you imagine Peter’s shame when he realized the depths of his denial… I can.

That is exactly how I feel when I fall into old patterns of lust to medicate fears or when I profess faith and yet become angry and resentful as events beyond my control unfold.

Yet when the resurrected Jesus met Peter He not only fed him breakfast, throughout their entire encounter Jesus never once mentioned Peters blasphemous denial. He instead helped Peter probe his own heart.

John 21:17 The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep”.

Jesus is not primarliy concerned with my sin nature – He died for that. He paid the price to rebuke the strongholds of shame, self-doubt, self-pity, fear, anger, lust… He came to set us free to love first Him, then ourselves and then others.

The Apostle Paul understood this concept.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

We are sinners saved by grace – we will never amount to anything more than that until Christ’s return.

Although grace abounds for our weakness of faith – there can be a great price paid for our lack of trust in God’s purpose and timing. Doors of opportunity that are avoided because of fear may become forever closed.

We see this especially througout the Old Testament.  Just ask the Israelites who spent 40 years on what should have been an 11 day journey and ultimately died in the wilderness because they didn’t like the Mana or think God could deliver them safely into the promised land or that Moses was not an annointed leader. Their fear cost them everything.

But under the New Covenant Jesus never mentions Peters sin of denail I believe because God knows the difference between manifested fear and faithlessness.

Peter dearly loved Jesus, and yet he was still only human. Would you be able to welcome torture and death in Peters place? I’d like to think I would, but I crumble when life throws pebbles at me so I’m less than optimistic I would do any better.

So my takeaway – get over myself. Emotions are so uncontrollable and unpredictable. They often respond to the liar who seeks to steal, kill and destroy. It’s easy to have moments of fear and doubt when facing a heavy trial.

The exhortation is to not ruminate on those thoughts. Return to an enduring faith that provides the strength of perserverance and don’t be afraid to confess or even boast about our weaknesses and simply ask for help.

God is always placing the right people and resources at our disposal as needed according to His good purpose and all we need is faith.

Father God I thank You for revealing my own fragile heart which is so easily swayed by the circumstances of life. And I thank You for reminding me that fear and faith can actually coexist however faith is the powerplant behind the courage to press into and through our fears. Help us to learn more deeply through every trial to trust you more deeply while in the midst of those trials. Your word Lord tells us that You are faithful even when we are not – and that Your love will endure forever. I thank you Father that through confession and repentence we are always welcomed, restored and recharged with the everpresent call to make disciples. I am here Lord, trusting and reporting for duty. May Your glory be revealed in ever-greater magnitude through the lives of the faithful each day. In Jesus precious name I pray…

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