50 Days of Promises (29): HIS Workmanship

Posted on April 29, 2014 by George Crone

Ephesians 2:10a For we are his workmanship…

broken_beautiful

The Apostle Paul’s letter to the Ephesians can speak volumes of grace and purpose into the life of someone who has been there done that and come up empty.

Although taking a single verse, and even worse a part of a verse out of context is not recommended as the bible must be consumed in full reverence of the message each verse plays with its surrounding companions, in this case there is a fine point here that when reading Ephesians 2 it jumped off the page at me this morning.

We are HIS workmanship. 

When I think about my childhood and the unfair treatment, or my adult life of unhealthy choices, desires and behaviors, the root cause was because none of us knew God.  That alone makes it impossible for someone to truly know who they are and what they were created for.

So the lifetime of searching for purpose and value ensues, looking for love in all the wrong places, seeking self worth through all the wrong things, pursuing goals and dreams that had no lasting future or value. I was excellent at doing exactly what I set out to do, the problem was I was doing what the world said I needed to do with the talents God gave me, so my talents were misplaced.

God doesn’t make junk. People who are destroying their own lives and the lives of those around them are actually just accomplishing a wonderful job of doing the wrong things the best they know how. Just like we all did before He gave us sight.

I heard it said that you will never lock eyes with someone that Christ didn’t die for. That is a sobering thought. That ex-wife, ex-business partner, ex-best-friend who hurt you deeply, that parent or mentor who let you down; in most cases they are not inherently evil, they are just blind to the deep rooted truths that are found only in the arms of Christ that sets us free to carry out the good works we were designed for.

Until we know Christ, we can’t know true love.

Sure people can exhibit the behaviors, and get it right a bunch of the time. But a true unconditional sacrificial love that deny’s self in pursuit of service to even our enemies is not natural, it is supernatural.

Jesus washed the feet of Judas the night before his betrayal knowing full well what Judas was going to do.

As a recovering addict of any kind (sex, drugs, alcohol, shopping, food are all on my list) one of the hardest lies of Satan to overcome is the shame we feel. One can never find true freedom until we realize at the deepest heart level that we are created in God’s image, fearfully and wonderfully made, and no matter how long it takes for us to become aware that we are living wrong and how much damage was done in our past, when He opens our eyes we change. By His grace and redemption by way of The Cross we are forgiven and free in Spirit from that point forward.

Would you get angry and chastize a blind person for tripping and falling in your front yard and crushing your flower bed? Or would you feel compassion, help him up, make sure he was OK, and point him in the right direction and watch him as he resumed his journey to make sure he was really doing ok, not just taking his word for it.

For us, the sighted who has come to realize our own weaknesses without Christ and are pressing forward to carry out the good deeds God has placed in our path, the overwhelming battle cry must be grace. God helped us up when we were blind, and continues to help us up for we will always have some blindness, and He expects us to do the same for those around us who are still blind to the ways God wants to use them.

The blind have no control over their blindness, they are powerless. Let’s not persecute the blind but offer sight, light, salt, mercy, compassion, direction, hope, grace, forgiveness, peace, kindness, gentleness… LOVE.

raw-brazil-diamond

A diamond in the rough is still a diamond. It could easily be tossed away on first glance for it holds little appeal from the outside. But God does not look at the outside, for He knows that His blood completely washes the outside layer of sin. away.

We too must know when looking over our own lives that our past sins are not what make us who we are. We have always been a diamond, we have just been buried and raw.

diamondIf you are on the path of recovery, if you are seeking a deeper more authentic relationship with Christ, if you spend time in fellowship with other believers and in God’s word. If you sincerely pray for healing and redemption, know then that you are already a diamond and your light is already shining.  Stop regretting the past and live as the forgiven and free workman that God has created you to be. Know that you will not be perfect in this life, but we have been given the gift to show others their own inner beauty in Christ. That is what we were created for, to magnify and glorify our Creator God.

Paul explains it much better than I…

Ephesians 2:1-10

By Grace Through Faith

2 And you were dead in the trespasses and sins 2 in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— 3 among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. 4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, 5 even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— 6 and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Father God, that you would take a broken man dead in his trespasses and rise up new life. To offer hope, a purpose, redemption not through anything I will ever achieve but through the life, death and resurrection of Your Son so that we may live forgiven and free is beyond comparison or comprehension. A love so great that says we are your diamonds in the rough and that until that last breath is taken there is always a chance that your truth can be revealed in every life. Help us this day Lord to be aware of Your workmanship in us so we can move forward with loving and guiding others toward Your Cross so that you may work out the miracle in their life that you have done in our own. Your Love has no boundaries, may we rest in that and not some vision of our own worth apart from you. Selfishness seeks to destroy and you modeled pure selflessness. May that be what our focus is on today, a surrendered life free to carry out the good works you created us for. Thank you Jesus for our lives, all of it, easy and difficult, for it is the tests that bring life to the testimony. 

 

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50 Days of Promises (28): Ambassadorship

Posted on April 27, 2014 by George Crone

2 Corinthians 5:20a Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us… 

ambassadorsMy son and his family doesn’t know Christ yet personally. Some of them, as I did for decades, profess a belief in God, but there is no church, no bible, no prayer, not even CEO faith (Christmas and Easter Only). I wrestle with what my role is being that I don’t live in their house, this concept of being an ambassador for Christ is a good reflection point for me.

I myself didn’t come into an authentic relationship with Christ until I was 45, a hard and broken life that was filled with all the glory, fun, pleasures and rewards the world has to offer but it was a selfish existence seeking only what I wanted next out of life and ignoring those in need around me.

Today I can say “gratefully” the rewards of the flesh are a dead end road but it has taken years to get beyond the resentfulness I felt toward my past abusers and take humble ownership of my own shortcomings that not only endured those dysfunctional relationships, but sought them out, participated freely, encouraged and enabled them.

Yes, there are true victim of childhood abuses (as I experienced), but I was completely mistaken in thinking I’ve been the victim of others throughout my adult life. I was the yang to their ying that EQUALLY fueled those broken relationships.

Sadly, as long as the world is dishing out rewards it is nearly impossible for a person to realize what they are missing in Christ (Mark 2:17), for it is only Him who opens our eyes to our own unseen soul sickness and the suffering of those around us and which then fills us with an ache that calls us to rise and ask “how can I change and how can I help others”.

A huge misconception in my early walk with Christ, and one that breaks my heart in looking at the churches around me today is the self-righteous self-proclaimed Christian who thinks it is their job to point out other’s sin and to put themselves on a pedestal of righteous living through works and proclamations that give off the appearance of holiness.

This shallow misconceived Christianity is the one that condemns and judges others, pickets and writes letters and stands on street corners telling others the bad news of condemnation and destruction that awaits “them” as a result of “their” sin.

What they don’t see is that we all stand in line for that same judgment and those in the church should realize more than anyone how short we come to the glory of Christ. (Romans 3:23).

There can be no place in the church to rise up in self-righteous condemnation of those blind and lost and who have no clue what they are missing without Christ, they need love, they need compassion, mercy, understanding, grace; they need hand and heart reaching out with the Good News!

They need what we each receive on a daily basis, forgiveness and mercy found only in the blood of Christ, not through anything we have done, are doing, or will ever achieve. We are all beggars standing in line for our portion.

If we ever think that “we have arrived, look at how good I am” and begin to think our mission is to call out others who we consider are living lives “less worthy” than our own we truly run the risk of hearing the words:

And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness. Matthew 7:23

I believe hypocrisy is the #1 killer of people outside looking in of ever wanting to step in the door, and it is that hypocrisy that I see sitting on the inside at those sitting around me that prevents me from wanting to invite others in.

Don’t get me wrong, there are huge circles of authentic Christian followers within the churches and I for one would shrivel up and die alone without the church, and there are thousands who know they are broken and are living a life poured out in pursuit of righteous service and purity of living, but most importantly they are the ones grounded in humility and never declare “I’m better than you”.

It is God’s word alone that reminds us how we are to love the others around us, how we are to share the Good News, how we are to have a singleness in purpose of introducing others to Christ as His ambassadors and it is the Trinity who will then get busy working the sin out of their life, through the same grace, compassion and mercy He is showing us.

The Ministry of Reconciliation

11 Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade others. But what we are is known to God, and I hope it is known also to your conscience. 12 We are not commending ourselves to you again but giving you cause to boast about us, so that you may be able to answer those who boast about outward appearance and not about what is in the heart. 13 For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. 14 For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; 15 and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.

16 From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 18 All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; 19 that is, in Christ God was reconciling[c] the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. 20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Father God, I pray for your church, I pray for my own heart that constantly wants to take credit for the good I see You doing around me. Our pride Lord is the one that feeds entitlements, selfishness, narrow-mindedness, self-righteousness, ego… these are the blinders of faith that are constantly pulling at us to minimize Your work on the cross, Your blood spilled that alone washes us clean. Place in our hearts this day Father a message, Your message of reconciliation. A message that opens the arms of grace and welcomes those broken and hurting into the doors of Your church, not the pointing fingers that say “get your act cleaned up so you can come to church”. We are a sick and dying world Lord and we desperately need You Lord. Let me, let us never lose sight of that Father. In Jesus’ precious name…

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50 Days of Promises (27): What Is It To Be Chosen

Posted on April 22, 2014 by George Crone

 1 Thessalonians 1:4  knowing, brethren beloved by God, His choice of you;

Ephesians 1:4  just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him. In love

1 Peter 2:9  But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;

created-chosen-called

What does it mean to be chosen by God?

Contemplating if being chosen was a choice makes my brain hurt. Clearly God’s sovereignty takes our choice in the matter off the table. It is He who creates, gives faith, justifies and sanctifies so it would appear The Choice is solely His and our role in salvation is to simply “accept grace”.

But is it simple? Does saying the “sinners prayer” complete the choice and finish the work?

I know for me, my humanness constantly gets in the way. I awake most days with God on my heart and seek time of devotion, prayer and meditation on God’s word, however throughout the day I effortlessly and most times unknowingly evolve into thinking I have a much better plan for my morning, day, week, life. Intellectually I would say that isn’t true, even argue to the contrary but my actions give way to the true motivations of self.

For example; Living 30 miles north east of LAX airport I can expect my commute to be 30 minutes to 2 hours, it is beyond my control. Yet I still will pull up several maps and GPS programs that all have traffic and “calculate my odds” of picking the best route home. Rarely does it pay off.

One night driving home just last week I found myself behind a car that was not driving the same patterns as the hundreds of other cars around me. When the flow jammed on the gas pedal this guy gradually accelerated. This gave way to a flood of cars behind us going around and jamming in front of him. This pattern went on and on, we come to a stop and all bunch up, then off we go only to have what seemed like the entire freeway ditch in front of the “idiot” in front of me.

My frustration, resentment, annoyance and eventual anger began to flood my conscious thinking. I was yelling at the guy, c’mon… let’s gooooooo!!!! I would try and go around but others were quicker peeling off from behind. I began to mock “God, really, this is the route you are sending me home on”?

Then it happened, I looked down at my Prius’ gas gauge (pause for snickers, yes I drive a Prius, and it’s white too, get over it)… and what I saw astonished me; I was getting nearly 60mpg on that stretch home from work. This guy was driving the exact sweet spot my car thrives upon and my economy was maxed out.

In that moment an intense wave of humility and actual shame washed over me. The VERY thing that was causing my selfish, impatient all-knowing self the most grief was actually the greatest blessing. My insecurity and ego won’t let me be “that guy” who drives like that for the best fuel economy, so God was doing it for me. People were throwing dirty looks at the guy in front of me and I could almost sense a collective, “oh, you’re just the poor guy pinned in behind that guy”. From that point on I stayed behind him almost laughing at how cool this was and jeering at the others who were pouring wide open carbeurators of fuel down the throat of their engines just to overly tax their brakes in the next few seconds; what fools I mocked! (clearly still not getting it).

And there is more back-story to this recent encounter. Since my recent move I have been struggling with expenses and surrendering my finances to God. “I believe You called me to this place Lord, I will trust in Your provisions”.

Clearly God was in charge at that moment and blessing me but me in my nearsightedness and impatience was not only not seeing it as a blessing from God in the bigger picture, but the complete antithesis as I was beginning to see it as a curse.

I’m grateful we are not alone in not getting it. The Apostles themselves constantly missed the mark, denying Christ as Peter did (Matthew 26:34), falling asleep when asked to pray (Matthew 26:40), arguing over who is the best (Mark 9:33-34) when Jesus just told them He as going to die and rise again.

To be chosen is to KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is in control in all situations, and that He is at work for our best and His glory at all times. It is not the sole mountaintop experiences that come in seasons that we are to live for, but instead to exalt our heavenly Creator and King through all seasons, whether as seemingly insignificant as a commute home or as huge as a life changing event.

Father God, I am so incredibly grateful for the constant humblings you press upon my heart and life, the reminders that show me how much I don’t know and how perfect, pure and grace-filled You are. I pray this day Lord for not only the joy and peace that comes from knowing that it was You alone who lifted me up from the ashes of my old life, but also the strength to make You my Lord and King this day, that my focus be on Kingdom causes with a heart and hands ready and available to serve in those Divine Appointments called coincidences, those times when You orchestrate a meeting between someone who needs to know You more, just as I do. Thank you Father for creation, and choosing me your not so humble but ever seeking servant. 

 

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50 Days of Promises (26): Chosen With A Purpose

Posted on December 13, 2013 by George Crone

2 Timothy 1:8-9

8 Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord or of me His prisoner, but join with me in suffering for the gospel according to the power of God, 9 who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was granted us in Christ Jesus from all eternity

Paul and Timothy

Why must I suffer? Why did I go through the things I went through? Why has my life been so hard?

These questions and more were primary in my thoughts as I wrestled in the first couple years of recovery. My past made no sense. What parent who claims to love their child would physically hit their kid with rage, emotionally yell and scream and condemn as if never good enough in their eyes, or cross the ultimate boundary and sexually assault their child.

There are no answers to those questions without the understandings that come through knowing Christ Jesus.

Today in hindsight when thinking of the calling God has placed on my heart to love, honor and serve Him through fellowship, outreach and support of those still hurting and broken in this world, I see only a plan.

I am not saying God planned for the suffering of the small child, but He can bring goodness and glory through all things.

I’ve read so many stories of doctors choosing their profession because they felt helpless as a child when a loved one suffered with an illness, or medical scientists who entered their profession because they wanted to cure diseases, or counselors who chose their profession because they witness so much needless suffering through dysfunctional relationships.

This too is the same calling for the one who has been Saved by Christ.

There is a desire in my heart not to heal others, for I know that I am only a man who can only do so much. But instead, to point others to the One Healer who can heal all things. The One who can mend a broken heart, straighten a crooked path, resurrect a dead life and fill it with purpose, joy, fullfillment through grace, mercy and forgiveness.

The Apostle Paul, who had it so wrong in persecuting Christians had a profound life changing experience at the hands of a loving God. That change led to a purpose filled ministry to preach the Good News of Christ to the whole world. And that He did, with passion and a resolution that said nothing will stop me, for nothing can stop God.

I can’t understand halfhearted Christians who voice faith but go on living the same old way they always have.

Yes we may wrestle with God over the surrender of our flesh, our old ways, our old fears. But how does one know the One and Only True God in Jesus Christ and not be filled with a desire to tell the world what He has done for them and ache over their own sin and seek everything in God’s power to become the man or woman God predestined them to be?

Salvation is a forever thing! Can there be any greater news on heaven and earth than the Good News that Christ lived, died and rose again and to whom believes and follows our Savior will be bestowed with everlasting life and bring a peaceful rest while on earth through a trust and reliance on God to work all things out to His glory and our sanctification.

We no longer have to rule our universe, we can simply ask God for the strength to have His will be done and not ours, then watch for His lead and have the boldness to walk through the doors He opens and trust that the doors that close are for our best and His glory.

John 12:26
If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him.

John 8:12
[ Jesus Is the Light of the World ] Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying, “I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.”

Luke 9:23
And He was saying to them all, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.

Matthew 10:38
And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.

Mark 1:17
And Jesus said to them, “Follow Me, and I will make you become fishers of men.”

If you have heard the call of Christ on your life. If you can honestly acknowledge the broken path behind you, whether it be addictions, hurtful and harmful behaviors, isolation or depression, and you desire more, are filled with an ever-deepening awareness of the emptiness the world offers and are ready to be overwhelmed with purpose, to have your life make a difference in the short time we are here, then choose to surrender the old life and follow The Savior Christ.

God is the Redeemer of broken souls. It doesn’t matter how deep the hurt and broken goes, Christ died for that, and new life awaits anyone willing to just let go of our understanding of how we think things are or should be and simply seek God’s wisdom and understanding through fellowship and study of God’s Word, then get ready to live like you’ve never lived before!

Father God, that you would take a broken soul such as myself and through incredible mercy give me hope, purpose, wholesome desires, vision, joy, a growing peace and soften my heart to my own shortcomings and compassion for those still suffering is beyond my comprehension. Your Word clearly says we are chosen by You for Your purposes and that Your ways are not our ways, and that You are beyond human understanding. I know this to be true in my life Lord, but I seek more of you just the same. You continue to show mercy when I fight You for control of my life, when I try and interject my will into the people and situations that You have placed in front of me, and gently course correct me when I get off track. Thank you Lord Jesus for the price You paid that gives all of mankind the offer to be able to look God in the face and claim our right as adopted sons and daughters, not because of who we are, but because of what You’ve done. Continue to bend and mold us into Your likely Father God so that we may be the light and life that you called all of us to be. In Your precious name I pray…

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50 Days of Promises (25): Progressive Sanctification

Posted on December 3, 2013 by George Crone

Colossians 2:6-7

6 Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, 7 having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude.

Sanctify Defined

It’s funny. As I sat down to the keyboard and bible this morning I reflected on this being the midway point in this journey through the 50 Who I Am In Christ affirmation sheet. I began to wonder, what is the overall theme that really needs to get into my heart; what is it that I know already but struggle to actually believe and live out? 

God nearly screamed the answer at me;

Perfectionism Destroys the Heart

One of my earliest trauma memories is one of not being able to please my father. On the scale of physical, sexual and emotional abuses it may not seem like much, but I believe this event and ones similar helped forge a profound mis-belief about myself.

I was a young pre-teen, maybe 12, and my father let me run the gas-powered lawn mower. I was so excited! I was gonna show him how his trust in me was not misplaced, that I could do a great job. I went round and round the yard, making sure to never miss a single blade of grass. I could see my father watching from inside the house but he never came out, he let me finish the task.

As I put away the mower, swept up the sidewalks and patio, and put away the last of the tools he came out. I stood before him with such anticipation of “job well done son”, but instead I received ” I noticed you went round and round but it’s better if you go back and forth”.

I was crushed, and I’ve spent over 40 years trying to prove to people and myself that I can do it correctly, that I can meet and even excel way beyond their expectations. I can complete any task with superhuman abilities, and I kill myself in the process.

Probably the worst of all, is that I’m realizing I never afford my self the luxury of saying to myself “job well done George”, and if others say that to me I figure they are just saying that to make me feel good, but they don’t really mean it.

God constantly is reminding me of this, that because of my incredibly deep rooted (and previously unknown to me) foundational feelings of worthlessness and fear of failure that I compulsively obsess on tasks in front of me, striving for a degree of perfection that never lets me rest in a job well done. It is always, “I could have done this, I should have done that, I forgot to do this”.

I’m never good enough for me; and I’ve taken that lie into my relationship and walk with God.

It is good to desire and strive to be all that I can be In Christ, but it is quite another thing to be on this hell-bent mission to become Mother Theresa or the Apostle Paul.

I think it is a good thing to desire and pursue the best God has for me, but I sense there is still a dark and cold cellar in my heart that continues to whisper, “look at your sin, you still fall so short, after all God has done for you and you still want to do things your way”?

I remember more than a year ago truly praying for God to break my heart for what breaks His. In those months following He graciously revealed deeper layers of selfishness that I need to die too, reliance on earthly atta-boys or recognition or rewards, and the funny thing is those rewards are unsatisfying and leave me unfulfilled anyway.

It was a humbling season in which I am very grateful for, but I’m beginning to realize that I perverted the truth that He revealed to me about me and I have been on an unholy quest for perfection ever since.

I think what today’s promise is revealing on a deeper level is that the process of “being built up in Christ”, progressive sanctification, is the very thing that brings joy to the Lord and which I can allow to bring me joy, hope and peace in the assurance that God is at work in me.

It is not I who must figure it out on my own, then do all the work on myself  by myself and then wait for God to scoff at all the things I did wrong and reject my efforts. God is not infused with my earthly father traits, He is the God and Father of all creation with a perfect love that is unconditional, unfailing, faithful and forever.

I believe that a heart that is right with God, one that understands His true nature, is one that will be filled with gratitude for the journey, not one that is putting off joy and gratitude until the journey has been completed; living in fear that “I could blow it at any minute and then all bets are off”.

It’s like I’m waiting for my next inevitable failure so I can hear God say, “boy I sure had hopes in you George but I guess you weren’t capable of being my disciple, my mistake, you can carry on with your old pathetic life”.

I’m robbing myself of the joy that God has in store for me right now, today. As His adopted son, His rightful heir, as His disciple who is doing my best to share the Good News with those around me, I am not only allowed but I am encouraged to rest in His arms through gratitude and marvel at the Divine Works that He is doing in my life and in those around me.

In reality, for me to not be happy with where I am on this journey of redemption is not saying “I fall short”, but instead implying that God is not working fast enough or up to my standards of where I think I should be.

I said it once, it is worth repeating, perfectionism destroys the heart.

Perfectionism truly is a silent killer, one that works on the subconscious level robbing us of all the rewards that are rightfully ours to claim. Much as the farmer is allowed the first fruits of the harvest, a worker for God is allowed the rewards of the Spirit which claim the only truth worth claiming;

Jesus is Lord and Savior, and I am His, rejoice, be free, live, love, learn, laugh. He is risen, and those who yearn for Him have died to self and risen with Him.

A grateful-hearted  servant of God serves others with joy, he does not see sacrifice as a loss of something but instead an opportunity to bless others with what is given to him by God’s mercy and goodness alone.

A selfish heart struggles to serve, presses on through gritted teeth and strivings beyond comfort in an effort to prove something, many times unbeknownst to the one doing it.

Life in the Spirit flows easily, an almost unearthly ability to stay grounded in the moment watching what God is doing and pitching-in however God leads, trusting in a unshakable faith that this moment is for my growth and His glory, regardless of the circumstance.

A life still spent in the flesh, even filled with good intentions will find itself tired, confused, directionless, doing waaaay toooo much, feeling stuck, avoiding uncomfortable situations and at other times holding back in fear of failure or insecurity.

I say that from experience. My mind, heart and spirit all love God passionately, but for the longest time now God has been revealing how much I still don’t love myself.

There is still a hurt, a wound under the surface that I’m not letting Him heal. Whether it is Satan telling me I need that old hurt, or I’m just hanging on to it for fear of the unknown, but clearly it is time to receive this promise this morning and know that I am so incredibly blessed, not because I have achieved anything, but because I am under construction by the Father of all creation, being made perfect by Him, for Him, because of Him.

Big Daddy Weave’s Powerful Testimony

Father God, You cut so deep into the brokenness this morning, in Your loving mercy you continue to speak over me and tell me who I am in You, why do I fight that Lord? Help me to surrender who I think I am Father God and continue to open my ears, eyes and heart to who You say I am. Show me a balance Lord, one that knows I fall short in the flesh but one that is then overwhelmed with a rejoicing that says Your redemptive work on the Cross is all I need. I do not devalue what You have done on purpose, it is the broken lies deep within my heart that continues to tell me I’m unworthy, of no value to man or kingdom, and are going nowhere. Those are lies Lord and I rest this morning in the grace and mercy that You are pouring over me and anyone who might be reading this that needs to know we are forgiven, loved and set free from the lies of abuse in our past. You have redeemed all of that and You have immeasurable promise of glory to come, not glory in us but Your glory which is showing us what we are capable of if we just trust You for everything. You know I profess being all in Lord but I hold back. Continue to reveal those unhealed areas of my heart, shine Your loving light into those broken crevices of self-doubt and fear so I may soar with the eagles in Your perfect Spirit of love. Thank you Jesus, in Your precious name I pray…

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50 Days of Promises (24): Qualified To Inherit

Posted on December 2, 2013 by George Crone

Colossians 1:9-14

9 And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, 10 so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. 11 May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, 12 giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. 13 He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

christ-with-saints-peter-and-paul

The message God is placing on my heart this morning is one that continues to reoccur. It seems to come up, or probably more accurately I only become re-aware of this message, when my heart is right with God. 

It is a message that knowledge of God is wonderful, but that in itself is not enough in and of itself. It is the knowledge of God’s incredible love and message of a transformed life that becomes the fuel to LIVE DIFFERENTLY!

I have considered myself an intellectual my entire life. Not that I have a college degree and could make it more than 30 seconds on Jeopardy, but more a person who wants to figure out why myself and others do the things we do; what makes the world tic.

I think that was born of a broken childhood that needed to figure out why I would be hit, or why would adults touch me inappropriately, or why was I being yelled at when I was only having fun or being a boy seeking adventure.

Unfortunately as a child, the only answers that made sense is I must be a bad person with no value; that my existence is only here for the use and discarding of others; that my desires are unimportant, my feelings incorrect, my input unnecessary, my presence unwanted.

Those destructive, damning and soul-wrenching lies of Satan perpetuated by the walking-wounded of this world are simply not true.

Unfortunately being an intellectual growing up with a core internal foundation of brokenness does not diminish one’s chances of becoming a great success in the world, but it is nearly impossible to become a success in relationships. And it is in relationships where the love of God calls us to thrive

As I look over my life, fed by a broken self-image and striving in this world to prove to me and others that I had value, I became an over-achiever. Always receiving the highest awards any company I worked for offered, moving quickly to the top of my field, department or division, having enough wealth to afford nice cars, great vacations, lots of big-boy-toys, plenty of parties and good times which all told me “I have arrived, this is the good life”.

But none of it ever broke through that hardened heart of the broken child within. Each pursuit and attainment of the next better thing that I thought was going to fill that indefinable yearning  only left me more disillusioned with this life.

As the successes grew, so did the emptiness, depression, and addictions to money, alcohol, sex, work-a-holism, isolationism and ultimately thoughts of suicide. “Why am I here and would anybody miss me if I was gone?”

It is that life in pursuit of selfish pleasure and wealth that left me utterly purposeless and devoid of any self worth. The lies that were fed to me by broken parents and worldly relationships only fed the reality that I truly had no value to anyone; for I was only seeking my own pleasures and increase.

If we are truly IN Christ, we are given a heart transplant – new desires to seek out a higher purpose, to live out a higher calling, we are freed to pursue things of everlasting value; to touch another life.

God’s word fills us with the knowledge of God’s designs and purposes for us, Christ Jesus modeled a life poured out in pursuit of a true Kingdom calling, and the Holy Spirit is the driving force that lives within us to will and to work in and through us for the purposes of Good Works.

The pursuit of knowledge is a wonderful thing, but if it doesn’t lead to a life-change, a renewed purpose and drive actions for the greater good of our families, communities, nation, world and planet, then for what purpose did Christ die?

Did Jesus go to the Cross so that I as a self-professed believer claiming Salvation could get a better car, hotter girlfriend, bigger house, cooler job, better vacations, nicer toys, fatter 401K?

Clearly no, Christ died so that a fallen world shrouded in darkness could move into the light, and be filled with a supernatural hope, joy, peace and purpose, filled with new desires, dreams, and visions of how I, a broken and lowly sinner, could be used by the Creator and King of the universe to make a difference each and every day in some large or small way.

He calls us to move from selfishness to selflessness.

For 3 years I have been in recovery programs trying to unravel the lies of my life spent running in all the wrong directions fueled by the mis-belief that I am less than I am.

God’s promise that I see this morning is a reminder that I am qualified not by what I’ve done, or who I am, or because I deserve anything, but instead by what He has done, is doing, and promises is to come.

We have all that we need to live fully Christ-empowered lives.

Through the teachings of God’s word, the Holy Spirit within and the modeling of Christ, and having the bondage of sins and condemnation removed, the fullness of the Trinity becomes our world filter.

It is God who gives us a heart that is complete and whole through His atonement on the Cross. He gives us sight to see others through His eyes and thereby filled with a compassion and vision for everyone we meet and a desire that they too would experience Christ within and have their lives transformed from selfish to selfless. It is He  who modeled for us a life of action, to travel through this life spreading His message of hope and healing and life and love to anyone we can reach before we are called home.

It is really a simple equation that is hard to carry out. If I follow the pursuit of the flesh I will eat double-cheeseburgers, fries and a shake and be useless for the rest of the day, but if I follow the desires of the Spirit and eat a balanced diet of  fruit, vegetables, carbs, proteins, vitamins, minerals, plenty of water and get exercise I will have the energy of a hundred horses.

Garbage in, garbage out

Am I watching late night TV and spending dozens of hours playing video games and going out to night-clubs in pursuit of a good time and emailing dirty jokes and spreading gossip about co-workers and getting angry on the freeway and impatient in checkout lines and resentful over others who have more successes than me and, and, and….?

Or am I feasting on God’s Word daily, am I relying on the work of Christ on the Cross for my self-worth and using His death for the salvation of all man-kind as the yardstick to value the worth of others, and am I relying on the power of the Holy Spirit to engage with the world in a manner that leaves others better than how I found them.

We who rely on Christ are given a new heart so we can live a new purpose filled existence. We were meant to courageously and boldy proclaim the Good News relentlessly to a sick and dying world.

Father God, I thank you for the reminder this morning that I am who I am because of who You are. Thank you for the reminder that my value comes from knowing You, relying on You, seeking You, loving You, worshiping You, longing to live a life more holy and pleasing to You by being of service to others. Thank You for the reminder that knowing that I can never attain these things is not a reason to feel condemned, but understanding that simply desiring and being in pursuit of these things are proof that You are the light that emanates from within me, my old life is dead. Lord God thank You that Your grace and mercy tells me that I have value in Your sight, that you created me and have a plan and purpose for me is so hard for my broken and untrusting heart to let in. I thank You for Your relentless compassion and love that never leaves, never gives up, and promises that I am qualified because of Your Son alone, and in Him I am given new life with which I can proudly and boldly proclaim my right to the inheritance. Help us all this day Lord recognize more fully who we are in You so we may more boldly proclaim the Good News that all are afforded this same gift if only they come to recognize their own need for healing from the One and only Healer. In Jesus’ name I pray…

 

 

 

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50 Days of Promises (23): Reconciliation

Posted on November 27, 2013 by George Crone

reconciled to God and another

2 Corinthians 5:16-21

16 So then from now on we acknowledge no one from an outward human point of view. Even though we have known Christ from such a human point of view, now we do not know him in that way any longer. 17 So then, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; what is old has passed away—look, what is new has come! 18 And all these things are from God who reconciled us to himself through Christ, and who has given us the ministry of reconciliation. 19 In other words, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting people’s trespasses against them, and he has given us the message of reconciliation. 20 Therefore we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making His plea through us. We plead with you on Christ’s behalf, “Be reconciled to God!” 21 God made the one who did not know sin to be sin for us, so that in him we would become the righteousness of God.

Wow, I am so moved by this passage this morning. I have read it over and over to try and soak up the depth of reconciliation, to try and sum up in a word or place a feeling upon what it means to be reconciled.

One word comes to mind, forgiveness. 

Isn’t that the foundation of God’s entire plan and purpose for His Creation, that all things live together in peaceful loving communion with one-another and God Himself?

In the Old Testament there was the Law and Sacrifice, based upon physical control of the body. People were to live a certain way and do certain things to be reconciled to God.

Jesus changed that all, the New Covenant of Christ says that God loved us so much that He sent His Son to die in our place, and to rise again so we may live righteously with God through His Son, a complete union within the Trinity.

When I reflect on the areas in my life that cause me the most discomfort, stress, anxiety and trigger old behaviors of wanting to fight or flight, it always involves the behaviors of others.

ghandi-quote-on-forgivenessWhether it be expectations placed upon me that I feel are unrealistic or unattainable, or expectations I’ve placed on others in which I feel they are not sufficiently meeting, it comes down to me playing god of my universe.

It is those un-reconciled relationships in our lives that God is calling His adopted children to reconcile if we want to experience the best this life has to offer and live in peace (as much as it is up to us).

Nehemiah 9:17
They refused to obey and did not recall your miracles that you had performed among them. Instead, they rebelled and appointed a leader to return to their bondage in Egypt. But you are a God of forgiveness, merciful and compassionate, slow to get angry and unfailing in your loyal love. You did not abandon them

One of the “survival” skills that I learned as a child of abuse was to become a compromiser, a people-pleaser. I learned how to become what YOU needed me to be, at the expense of any morals, values or pursuit of what is right. You either comply or get yelled at and hit.

forgive selfI can tell you from experience, that is a very good way to lose yourself and disappear in the world. My whole life has been about figuring out what others need me to be for them to like me, then do that.

Now that I have been in Christ and on the road of recovery for nearly 3 years, I’m learning that those skills which I once thought brought me closer to people actually keep me separated. Pretending to be someone I’m not, pretending to want things I don’t, pretending to likes things I’m indifferent too, it creates a relationship based upon emptiness and lies.

My needs had become secondary or in some cases even non-existent. I lost myself in the pursuit of pleasing others. For me to not ask for something, then sit in resentment because I’m not allowed those favors which I desire only sets me up for disconnection from others; a self-fulfilling cycle of hurt, despair, disappointment and resentment.

Daniel 9:9
Yet the Lord our God is compassionate and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him

God forgives supernaturally. Unconditional love dictates a never-ending hope, desire and open door of reconciliation.

As the Christian in an emotional duel with another for control in a situation, we are the ones called to offer compassion, grace, understanding, forgiveness, peace. It does not mean we cave in to the demands of a bully, but it does mean we are not allowed the option of resentment, hatred, ill-will towards that person.

Those who hurt us do not do so intentionally as far as they are aware, they are just selfishly locked in their own battle for survival and fighting for what they “think” is best for them and those around them. Sometimes their tactics, thoughts and behaviors are absurd, but then it is simply there where we must meet them and work it out with compassion, not anger.

forgiveness

Matthew 5:21-24

21 “You have heard that it was said to an older generation, ‘Do not murder,’ and ‘whoever murders will be subjected to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that anyone who is angry with a brother will be subjected to judgment. And whoever insults a brother will be brought before the council, and whoever says ‘Fool’ will be sent to fiery hell. 23 So then, if you bring your gift to the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother and then come and present your gift.

There is an amazing promise and hope, and we should be filled with a great motivation to reach out to those who have hurt us and offer forgiveness (which does not mean put ourselves in harms way) and also most importantly, offer amends and restitution to those we have hurt.

Regardless of other’s role in the fallout, God forgave us and reconciled us to the point of death, how far are we willing to go to be reconciled with Him and others?

Father God, you know the struggles of my heart, the fears of speaking my heart in those relationships which have meant the most throughout my life, the ones which have been strained the most by hurts on both sides of the fence. I gratefully receive the reconciliation of Christ, that the Holy Spirit and Your Word in the bible sets me free to love as you love. Help me to release the lies of Satan which tell me that asking for what I need, or speaking to the mutual hurts of the past will not cause greater division but instead break down those generational walls of fake masks, bitter compromises and resentful heartaches. Help me, and all Your children Lord to have the courage to speak the truth in love, to find the freedom that comes from risking reconciliation by facing those things which remain hidden in the dark, the secrets that are so hard to face. Bring Your everlasting, ever-loving grace into our hearts that we might trust You in those moments, knowing that You go before us and after us, to know deeply that You modeled the ultimate promise of reconciliation on the Cross, and that we are called to do the same in this world; to love others unconditionally. Thank You Lord for my life, for the renewing of my heart which seeks these things. May Your blessings be upon all of creation this day, in Jesus’ precious name I pray… 

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50 Days of Promises (22): Now No Condemnation

Posted on November 26, 2013 by George Crone

no condemnationRomans 8:1

Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

For anyone not intimately familiar with Romans 8 and maybe struggling with trying to understand the miracle of Christ, I can not recommend enough taking just 5 minutes out of your day and read the entire chapter right now!

Rarely will I take a single verse and reflect upon it alone for risk of missing the actual meaning.God’s word is like a full course meal, each nugget and morsel of wisdom, encouragement, admonition and promise compliments each other making the whole message so much more complete and powerful and meaningful and enriching. 

As a recovering abuse victim and addict however, this morning I felt a healing blow straight to the core of past shames by one single word in Romans 8:1…

NOW

I checked over a dozen translations, and every single one of them uses the word NOW. The sentence could have easily said “for those in Christ there is no condemnation”. 

I do not believe there is a single word out of place in the bible, each having its own personal meaning and enhanced by the words around it (ok, that statement doesn’t sound as profound as it felt when I typed it ha ha).

My point is, how we interact with the bible can make a huge impact on what we get out of it.

For me this morning, the word NOW indicates that in my old life I was surely under the weight of condemnation and without Christ we are truly all destined to a day of judgment that will affect eternity in a profoundly negative way.

But that is not true for the Christian who is IN Christ Jesus, indwelled by the Holy Spirit, set free by the blood of Christ.

We have the assurance of salvation (provided we endure to the end). I should have been destroyed, and I surely would have been destroyed, but by the miraculous, grace-filled compassion of Christ, NOW we who are in Christ are no longer under the weight of condemnation.

That is GOOD NEWS people!

I called myself a Christian my whole life, but since crossing over the line into what I can only call a “relationship” with Christ and having a tangible awareness of the Holy Spirit, I can most assuredly say I never “knew” Him, and I have little doubt that I would have been met with the words “I never knew you”.

In my personal experience, shame, guilt,  and even self-loathing can plague an adult survivor of child abuse. You would think the promises of God, that in Him we are new creations, can never be separated from His love, we are not forsaken, am set free by the blood (and infinitely more promises) would instantly wipe away the lies buried in the broken heart of a child.

But I personally have such a hard time letting God’s love wash over me, the voice of the accuser loves to remind me who I was, find reason to claim I haven’t changed, keep my joy repressed by pointing out the harm I have done to my family in the past in my ignorance, selfishness and blindness.

But God rebukes that; today, right now, right here, we the chosen who have been called by God to recognize what He has done for all mankind, we who stand in awe of His divine purpose and plan for His creation and are learning to trust, follow and worship His Holy Righteousness, we who find ourselves divinely inspired to share the Good News of Christ’s healing and hope for all, and reach across the isles to those who don’t know Jesus yet and proclaim His love for all, we find ourselves declared righteous by His works, not ours.

Romans 8:12-16

12 So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. 13 For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. 14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” 16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God

 

Father God, Your message of unmerited favor, of a plan of redemption for all who simply cry out to You is beyond human understanding. A compassion, grace, mercy, love that is not based upon us, the unworthy recipient, but instead on You, the most worthy Giver. Your plan of salvation, that we are set free by You, for You, because of You and that that freedom is available to everyone is beyond imagination. I’m sorry Lord that it took my whole life to recognize just how real and personal and relevant you are in every aspect of life, but I thank You for the suffering that now places me in the path of maybe being able to help others who find themselves stuck or lost trying to find their way into Your arms of mercy.  As you lift my heart from the past of despair Lord, continue to empower and embolden me to share Your Good News, as more of my chains are being removed, by Your will alone give me the heart to help those within my reach. Help me to surrender more of my life each day Father, that I may hunger to live a life poured out in Your name and care less about the things in this world that are beyond my control. Help me let You be Lord and if it is Your will continue to humble me so I may be Your servant. Thank you Jesus for Calvary that promises there is no longer nor will there ever be condemnation for anyone who is in You and You in them. Raise Your adopted children this day Father to live as you lived, lead as You lead, love as You love. In Jesus’ precious name I pray…  

 

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50 Days of Promises (21): The Four Salvations

Posted on November 25, 2013 by George Crone

Ephesians 2:4-5

4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, 5 even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved)

free_gift_

As is typical with God, I don’t believe it is a coincidence that this was the next set of passages on the 50 Affirmation sheet I’m using as a daily reference for this series, and that it would be “this” morning I would be presented with them for deeper reflection.

For quite a while now I’ve been under the impression that salvation is multi-faceted. I was saved from the hell I was living, I’m being saved from making the same poor choices in the present, I am offered the choice of trusting in Him so I am saved from the future worries of this world, and there is the ultimate salvation which is eternity with Christ.

Past, Present, Future and Eternal Salvations 

This is a critical concept for anyone like me who may have grown up in an abusive environment, one that wasn’t safe, one that offered little hope in the future. One that brought fear in what bad thing will happen next, not a joyful anticipation of what good thing is coming next.

I’m finding it interesting that the past few weeks my conscious mind once fully awake and alert is doing much better than in the past, staying focused on Christ and learning to love myself and others more completely and authentically through fellowship, worship and service to others in need.

It is when I first awake though, that initial sensation when the alarm goes off at 5am of dread, almost an internal fear of the day. It’s not based on any thought or task that I’m consciously aware of, and after going downstairs and getting coffee, coming back upstairs and diving into God’s word I find that it fades away.

I think this morning meditation speaks to that, the old self that so easily defaults to autopilot. A body of flesh with sinful desires, a heart that has been hardened from a childhood I didn’t choose and couldn’t control, and an adult life which I had full control over  in my life but chose poorly but without Christ I didn’t know the way out, I remain hopeless and forever focused on how to escape and bury the pain, not seeking ways to change it.

For me this morning, the one part of salvation that I think my soul needs to understand more deeply is freedom in Christ does not mean He takes my past, present or future away, but that I now have a choice.

In my old life I had nowhere to run but materialism, the bottle, lustful behaviors, work-a-holism which filled each day with a hopelessness, emptiness, depression and pushed me deeper into the pit of despair.

None of that is true today. The promise of Christ which I can absolutely recognize in my life is that I was saved from my old ways. I am no longer hopelessly in bondage with no way out. There is a very clear way out.

Prayer, worship, fellowship,  rejoicing, serving, reading, singing, laughing, anticipating, feeling, smiling, hoping, doing, being, loving…

Today I have a choice, I am free because I was saved. I can take great confidence in knowing that no matter what comes my way this day, it cannot outshine the Cross of Christ and the promise of things to come nor take away the joy of what has already been done.

Yes there are still hardships and heartache, but this life, this situation, this season is all temporary. True glory awaits in eternity but even closer than that, God’s redemptive love is at work within all who believe, trust and follow Christ.

We can take great peace and joy in knowing that any struggle, whether internal or external is a gift from God in Sanctifying, in Saving us from the hurts, hangups and habits of the past and filling us with a new heart to help, encourage and embrace the present which leads evermore towards a greater anticipation of the future.

Without Christ there is only fleeting and empty hope in an ever-decaying world, but in Christ there is a growing, a blossoming, a vitality that grows stronger with each breath for He fills us with His love, hope, and promises.

Father God I thank You alone for the promises and grace that frees us from the bondages of this world, for setting our vision and path on things that matter. To help those hurting and suffering, to point those lost and confused toward You alone Father who loves us with a passion, compassion, and mercy that transcends full understanding. Unconditional Love is not something anyone will ever fully be able to give or receive in the flesh, but it is supernaturally bestowed on us by You, for You alone saved, are saving, and will save us Lord. He us this day be filled with a joy simply because You chose to reveal Yourself to those who believe. Come close to Your children Father God, help us share Your good news to all the world by giving us the desires, words, ability and strength to server You more fully this day. Let us not fear the dark times that continue to grow darker, but let us embrace the light, Your light which we know wins in the end Lord. Guide and protect us the day Lord, In Jesus’ precious name we pray…

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50 Days of Promises (20): Crucified With Christ

Posted on November 21, 2013 by George Crone

Galatians 2:20-21

20 I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. 21 I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness comes through the Law, then Christ died needlessly.”

crucified-with-christ

A legalistic childhood can oftentimes lead to a legalistic faith

I awoke this morning feeling pressured. Life is packed full of expectations.

I am coming to realize more and more that I designed my whole life to live in self-perceived freedom. Avoid responsibilities, keep relationships superficial and distant, rarely take anyone up on an offer to go do something. “I’m too busy, too important, to rushed”.

A life as a work-a-holic is one of isolation, self-protection, ego-feeding in that the excuse “I’ve got too much going on right now” makes me feel important and gives the other person no room to persist.  After asking so many times they eventually give up.

This is weighing heavy on my heart, for I’ve been fighting some kingdom causes which require a long-term commitment. And God in his loving way continues to press on me to find out why I’m fighting His hands which are trying to love and heal me in this area.

I sense my old fears creeping back in; “what if I don’t feel like leading a group 6 weeks from now, but people are depending on me”.  I realize even 3 years into my new walk with Christ that I continually leave myself an out, an excuse in the pocket that if I so choose can get me out of whatever commitment I have that day.

It’s easy to follow Christ when it’s doing things I want to do, but that is not what God Word to us.

John 12:24-25
24 Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. 25 He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal. 26 If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him.

Luke 14:26
“If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple.

I seem to feel most comfortable in routines, compartmentalized boxes of life. Monday is mens group, Tuesday sponsor, Wednesday my son, Thursday recovery group, Friday Celebrate Recovery, Saturday morning accountability meeting, Saturday night church, Saturday after church social outing, Sunday my son.

Granted this is a much healthier routine than I used to live. Work, drink, work, drink, work, drink, video games, porn, drink, work, then drink, drink, drink on the weekends.

I was depressed, suicidal, empty, alone, broken. Jesus changed all that.

This passage this morning, and the study guide in my one of my bibles (NLT version) is leading me to a new awareness right now that speaks against some of my blogs the past couple months.

Obedience does matter, but it is nothing compared to the cross.

There is a growing realization that my life was lived as a perfectionist in the flesh, so taking my tendency to prove myself worthy to others and applying that to the Gospel can (has?) lead me to a joy-destroying reliance on obedience, placing my striving for righteousness above the Cross.

My NLT Study Bible has this to say about Galatians 2:21

Believers today may still be in danger of acting as if there was no need for Christ to die. How? By replacing Jewish legalism with their own brand of Christian legalism, they are giving people {or placing on themselves} extra laws to obey. By believing they can earn God’s favor by what they do, they are not trusting completely in Christ’s work on the cross. By struggling to appropriate God’s power to change them (sanctification), they are not resting in God’s power to save them (justification). If we could be saved by being good, then Christ would not have had to die. But the cross is the only way to salvation. 

God’s Word has the amazing power to meet us where we are, it speaks to the Christian in volumes if we are attuned to listen.

For the one (like me) who has spent their whole life trying to earn the respect of others, (most likely because I had to earn my parents love and it was never good enough) or trying to prove to others I am worthy and have value (most likely because I was never treated with respect or value as a child through abuses), then God’s words of grace, compassion, unconditional love is the healing salve that tells me I don’t have to live that way anymore.

Christ paid ALL the debt

For the one (also like me) who has lived a selfish life with little to no regard to the well-being of others but only my own, comfort, fun and pleasure (most likely because of the rebellion to the corporal punishment home I grew up in), then the laws of God are a guidepost to show me my selfish ways and remind me of the need to die to self.

Both sides are valid; God’s grace covers my sin, I don’t need to strive to meet the expectations of the world anymore; AND God’s calls me to die to self and live a sacrificial life in servant-hood to Him by loving and ministering to others, to live a life poured out life in love.

I love C.S. Lewis’ Screwtape Letters. The reality that Satan and his minions do not have to personally destroy lives, they simply need to confuse a Christian so we get lost on the path and slowly over time without realizing it find ourselves way off course and battling to find our way back to the peace and grace that we felt when we first came to a full belief that Jesus Saves.

How does Satan do that? By reversing those two truths. I can feel shame and defeat and lose hope when I realize how short I measure up to God’s righteousness, and I can use the grace of the Cross to give me an excuse to fall into my old ways of isolation and selfishness because “He understands and will forgive me”.

This is where I find myself today, struggling to find my way. I have an incredible foundation of peace because I know God will finish the work He started, and will never forsake me; but I also have a sense that I’m striving and struggling to do His job and not even recognizing that I’m on the path He chose yet “feeling” lost and unworthy.

Matthew 5:13
13 “You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men.

We were created to Love God

It all begins there. If we struggle at all with seeing His face, hearing His force, sensing His path for us, following His ways, then there is work to do one-on-one with Him.

A farmer cannot grow crops until he acquires the proper supplies and learns the proper way to farm. The same is true for us as Christians, without a deep reliance on God’s Word, and profound deep and personal recognition of the value of the Cross, and an almost unatural reliance on the promises of God and a supernatural desire to follow Christ’s ways that He modeled for us, we may never “feel” set free in spite of the reality that we are totally set free IN Him.

We are set free, by what He has already done for us. And we can be assured of Salvation and Sanctification because of His Justification. It is about Him, always and forever. To ache and struggle and strive and pine over my sinful nature is to place to much emphasis on the part of me that has died, and not enough reliance on the part of Him that lives IN me.

Lord God, I feel You reaching me right were I am, trying to reveal to me just how much You love me, just how much You gave up for me, that I have value because of what You have done and who You are, not because of who I am or what I do. Father God that message is trying to reach my heart but I continue to seemingly reject that free message of grace and love because of the lies fed to me and that now I seem to perpetuate on my own. The battle is in my mind Lord, I need help believing more deeply Your truths which set us free. It’s as if I have a wonderful message of healing to share with others, and you have worked miracles in my life, but there is a stronghold on my heart that tells me I’m not worthy to eat the first fruits. I am not allowed to enjoy life, I must suffer in Your name. That may be true on some level, but I believe Father that when I truly understand what it is You are trying to show me, it will not “feel” like suffering for You, for I will not miss my life, but instead find incredible, joy, peace and purpose in the life You have for me. Only You can take away my mistrust and fear, my insecurities, my selfishness, pride and desire to keep one foot in the old life so I always have a fall-back plan in case Yours doesn’t work out for me. I pray Lord that me sharing the wrestling in my heart through this blog helps others and does not lead anyone astray Lord. I believe there is power in transparency, but I pray deeply Lord that you give people discernment when reading these, that they will never take what I say as something wise or theological but see it only as it is intended, an open look into a simple broken man who had it wrong his whole life and is just trying to find his way into the arms of  our gracious Savior, You Lord Jesus. Thank you Lord for Your life, Your teachings, Your word which battles the lies of Satan and fills me with a continuous hope that this is all part of my crooked journey on the path of redemption. In Jesus’ precious name I pray…

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